Thursday, March 25, 2010

New Life at 30

This is all very new to me. I have never been a blogger. Been a facebook addict for over two years, but never a blogger. So why now when everyone else is facebooking? Well I have two reasons actually. The first is that I am a writer. Well, actually I am a wanna be writer. Probably a fantasy of mine since I was in High school and first discovered Shakespeare. That's when my love of English started, but I think my love for writing started earlier. I may not be very good at it but I enjoy doing it. So This is gonna be a place for me to write, or express myself however I want.

The second reason is that I am starting my life over again and I just turned 30 last week. So I am starting a new life, not of my choosing, at an age when most people are starting to settle down. So why not try something new. And, I wanted to be able to express myself a little but more than I can on facebook in a more creative outlet. So, here I am writing my very first blog.

You might ask what the reasoning behind starting a new life is and why I didn't choose it. Well the answer to that happened on January 5th of this year. My husband told me he wanted to separate and didn't love me anymore, hasn't in fact, for well over four years. Well, I didn't want my husband to fall out of love with me. I didn't want a divorce, in the beginning. After he told me, I tried to convince myself he would change his mind and try to work on our marriage. I think that all along, I knew that he was set. Chad is the type of man that once he makes a decision to do something, he is set, even if he starts to have regrets. No one will probably ever know that he has regrets, if he does.

So I moved out within a week actually. I got an apartment and new (rented) furniture and moved me and the kids out. I didn't give up right away, I prayed to God and I kept hoping. I thought of nothing but convincing him to change his mind and doing what was best for my two beautiful kids. I didn't even think of myself. I actually thought of myself so little that I wouldn't eat for days. I think I lost 20 pounds that month. Not that I didn't have the extra weight to lose, but I didn't lose it in a healthy way, and I didn't do it on purpose.

So that brings us to the first week in February. One night I had a breakdown on the phone with my friend Andres. I was tired, and not very healthy. I had been trying so hard to be strong for my kids. I was trying to be strong at work. I was trying to be strong for me. I had a couple glasses of wine....ok...I had a whole bottle of wine. And completely broke down for the first time since my husband told me his news. Fortunately, I have an amazing friend in Andres and he just listened. He didn't really try to give me advice. He just encouraged me and LISTENED! So many people have just wanted to give me advice. ADVICE! ADVICE! ADVICE! I am so sick of advice right now. For the first time, someone just listened.

The next day I woke up and I felt renewed. I had a new goal in life. I was gonna rediscover me. No more waiting for Chad to change his mind. No more sitting at home when The kids aren't here. This is the Rediscover Mindy Phase in my life. When I have the kids, its all about them. They are the two most beautiful things in this world. God blessed me with them and they are truly awesome gifts. I would do anything for those two little darlings.

So what did that mean? First, it meant I needed to start feeling good about myself again. I needed to appreciate me and love myself again. I was feeling good about all the weight I lost, but I needed to continue it in a more healthy fashion. So I have been working out 2 times a week, whether it is a jog/walk in the morning when the kids or gone, or an afternoon of tae bow with my son. (I should point out that it is extremely fun to do tae bow with a two year old.) Since I work in a restaurant, I have been trying to eat salads instead of the oh so yummy pizza that I usually eat every day of the week. I have lost 32 pounds total so far and I feel good. Eventually I will work out more, but I gotta work up to that since my body is soooo not used to it. The second part of the new me, was a day of pampering. I got a new hairstyle and color, and I got a body wrap with my BFF Sarah. Body wraps are awesome because they not only take off inches, but they make your skin so soft. They make my skin feel so soft that I wanna feel myself all day long. :) The last part of feeling good about myself was to not "let myself go" again. So No leaving the house with a hat on anymore, which had become quite common because I have to wear a hat to work. So now, petty and teenager-ish as it may be, I don't leave the house without my hair done and a little bit of make up on. I have always been told that if you look good, you feel good. Well, I have discovered how true that statement really is.

So now, we are to March. Phase one of rediscovering Mindy is started. I am already starting to feel good about myself. I can look in the mirror again and think I look pretty. Now what? Well, over the last ten years that I have been with my husband, I have lost a little part of me along the way. So now I have been trying to do more things that I used to enjoy doing. Things that I forgot that I enjoyed doing. I have a list of things I want to do. Its still in the works actually, a bucket list as you might prefer to call it. When its complete I might share it. One of the biggest things is to do something wild and crazy. Okay so maybe not wild and crazy, though I did consider getting a tattoo but at the end of the day, even that is too crazy for me. So instead of wild and crazy, we'll say that I wanna do something adventurous and spontaneous. Something that is so totally not in my personality to do. Obviously, in order for it to be spontaneous, I can't plan it so when I do it, I will fill you in on the details.

This blog is part of the rediscovering Mindy. I love to write so this is where I am gonna do it. I am gonna be free and creative. I don't know where this blog will take me, but I am excited about it. It's gonna be fabulous!

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