Friday, April 16, 2010

It takes a village

I wonder how it's possible that I can be sitting on a balcony, in a cabin in the mountains of Gatlinburg Tennessee and I am still feeling sad. I am surrounded by God's Natural beauty: the tall trees that gloriously rise above, the pleasant rushing of the water rushing in the stream below, the mountains sitting majestically in the distance, and the wind rustling the leaves of the trees. Yet, even with all of God's wonderful, peaceful creations around me, I am still heavy hearted.

I have had a wonderful time so far. Wednesday, we went hiking with the kids and then spent the evening at the Cabin. Kenny, Keri, and Michal joined Mom, dad, Amanda, the kids and myself on Wednesday night, which made the whole family complete. Thursday, I was kidnapped to Dollywood by Kenny, Keri and Amanda. We had a fabulous time riding roller coasters and had some quality sibling bonding. Then after a wonderful dinner, we were joined by Jeanine and Larry, who are my parents best friends and my second set of parents, and their daughter Shana, who is one of my closest friends and sister. Today, we went to the rain forest adventure with the kids and watched them be amazed by some marvelous rainforest's creatures.

Still I feel lonely. There is something missing. It is not that I miss Chad. I miss there being two of us. Sometimes it takes two to calm the cries of a 2 year old that is overwhelmed by his new surroundings. It takes two to get a 5 year old to understand why she can not go outside or play in the water. It takes two to put on the shoes of a child that is upset about leaving the play place at a restaurant.

My family is the most amazing family anyone can ask for. They are supportive and compassionate. They are there to help me in my frustrations. They are there when I feel like I want to have a complete mental breakdown. They are there to help me with the kids and to give me hugs when I feel like I want to fall apart in tears. And, when I do fall apart, they take the kids off my hands so that I can have some alone time and sort through my crazy thoughts.

However, learning to rely on other people for these things can be difficult. Funny, cause it should be easy to rely on the people that have always been there for me. Always been there to pick me up when I am feeling down, and to give me a good laugh even when I am feeling good. But it is hard to admit that you are weak or that you need help. It is so much easier to be the person that is offering the support and compassion than to be the one that needs it.

So to my family and friends, I just want to say that I love you and I appreciate all that you do. It may take two to do some of the little things in life that should be easy, and yet are so difficult; but I am glad I have all of you to help me. They say it takes a village to raise a child. I have a pretty awesome village to lean on.

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